Homemade Feminist Debates: Chopping My Hair

I have been thinking a lot about returning to the pixie cut and it has sparked a bit of a debate at home.

Last night, the boyfriend and I were surfing the Internet searching for the latest information on Syria. We started watching a clip of Rachel Maddow's show from August 29. At some point, he said, "Rachel Maddow is sexy!" Still thinking about all the arguing we'd done about my potential haircut, I muttered, "She has short hair."

Thus began an hour-long debate (I don't think I'm exaggerating the amount of time) in which we talked about Rachel Maddow's specific type of sexiness, sexism, the narrow definition of beauty in our culture, whether or not the boyfriend's preferences are shaped by societal and cultural forces or not, and (way too) much more.

My main debate with myself has been, "How much does his opinion matter? He is my partner, I love him, but how much should I consider his opinion when thinking about a haircut that I really want to get?" I don't want to discount him completely, but I don't want my decisions to be swayed more by his opinion than my own. Aaron wanted his opinion to matter.

At some point, out of frustration and curiosity, I turned (where else?) to Google. Aaron started playing his video game while I searched phrases like "should boyfriend's opinion matter on haircut" and "men's opinion on pixie cuts". What I found, of course, was a huge heap of sexism.

The first articles I read were pro-pixie cut, written by women. One was written by a woman who hadn't believed her boyfriend when he said he didn't like short hair, and she was surprised by how much he disliked her new cut. Another was by a woman who loves her cut, but admits that reactions from men are pretty extreme, and that if you're going to do it, you just have to accept that people will think you're a lesbian. And, as always, my favorite Bitch media pitched in with Who's Afraid of a Pixie Cut? This was probably the most encouraging article to read: it ended with It's scary that a woman with short hair is still seen as some sort of questionable rebel. Hooray for the young women in the spotlight who rock a pixie cut with no apologies. Chop, chop.

It was also the article that started the downward spiral of my argument with the boyfriend.

As he was playing his game (which he played throughout this conversation, so his attention was divided), he asked, "Whatcha looking at?" I told him what I had Googled, and he laughed. "So what'd ya find?" I read him this quote from the Bitch story about the "retrograde notion that says that cutting your hair short makes you somehow less of a woman." Aaron was suddenly defensive, arguing with me about his opinions being his own and not all based in cultural ideas. I argued back that of course our opinions are shaped by cultural forces. 

I bet you didn't even realize that Emma
Watson looks like a short squatty man, did you?

Then I found the website that hit the nail on my argument. I almost hate to link to it, but this particular post is two years old, and it's so ridiculous, you just have to see it. From the Alpha Game blog (with the subtitle 'Breaking the chains, winning the game, and saving Western civilization') comes the post "Women: don't cut your damn hair". (It's interesting to note that this post came up first in the Google search.) This post argues for long hair on women, because men prefer it, and notes that women who cut their hair "look like short squatty men" and that other women praise the pixie cut because secretly they know that short hair makes women unattractive and they want other women to be less attractive than they are, so they conspire to get other women to chop their hair. The comments of this post are where it gets really crazy, where readers say things like: 

   "Long hair is absolutely THE signature stamp of femininity and female beauty"

   "It's really not that complicated. Long hair good, short hair butch." 

   "Now that it's growing again I hear from women 'oh, I just loved your hair shorter.' I don't believe it. They also try to convince me to go back to my natural color (dark "dirty dishwater" blonde) instead of the color my husband prefers (platinum). Again, a suggestion I think is insincere and catty. Of course not all men prefer blondes but mine does, and women should not be taken seriously when suggesting hair styles to each other"

   "Practical, 'soccer-Mom' hair styles are, well, indicative of frigidity. No thanks." 

Of course, none of these men considers that women get their hair cut based on what they want to do; these men (and women) assume that women's hairstyles should be solely aimed toward pleasing men. 

I tried to use this article to point out how so many people are still wrapped in old-school notions about beauty and femininity and what makes a woman a woman. Aaron thought I was blaming him for thinking the same way.  When I finally said, "Aaron these people are ridiculous. I don't believe you are anywhere near them, and the argument started about a quote from one of the articles," he looked sheepish and said, "Oh. I was playing my game...I thought you were saying I was like that." 

So even though this hour-long debate could have been avoided by a little more communication and a little less Playstation, I'm glad it happened. It was a great discussion about the definitions of beauty and how women with short hair are still seen by many people as turning their back on femininity or beauty, and about whether pretty should even matter when getting a haircut. 

I'm still a little nervous about the chop, but I'm going to do it. I've made a collage of pixie cuts I like, and a collage of those I don't, to take to the stylist. I really want to maintain it for a while, work with styling it different ways, and have fun with a new hairstyle. 

And if men think I'm a lesbian, or lament the loss of my hair, I know who not to hang out with. As one of the commenters on Alpha Game said, 

"I'm thinking of cutting my hair now just so I can weed out people like you!"