Stumbled Upon Feminism at a Reading

Aaron and I went to our first reading in Seattle and it was so much fun. I convinced him to go even though neither of us had read the book, because the reading was held at The Richard Hugo House. The Hugo House is sort of like a writers' community in Seattle: they hold writing workshops for adults and adolescents, they host events (like the reading), they constantly bring in new writers-in-residence, and they have resources like the Zine Archive and Publishing Project. I'd heard of The Hugo House while job searching before we moved, and I was dying to see it in person.

But when I heard about my first opportunity to go to The Hugo House, I was also intrigued by the actual event. Nicole Hardy was reading from her memoir Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin. Before going, all I knew about this book was that she was a Mormon girl, and then woman, planning to stay a virgin until marriage. So she made it through college as a virgin, and into her 20s, and out of her 20s, and into her 30s, and began to wonder if it was really the right life choice for her. As you can imagine, the little feminist in me (why did I make her little? I don't know but I'm rolling with it) was jumping up and down with excitement. Go to this reading, Genie! You'll love this book and it'll make for a great discussion after. So we went.

The reading was so much fun. I recommend going to a reading without knowing anything about the book. When we walked in, it seemed like an average reading at first. There was a table set up for selling books right in the front. There was a bar and people were lining up to get the alcohol in their systems (we'd enjoyed happy hour margaritas, so I skipped the bar). There were two or three employees walking around with appetizer options, and there was also a table of cheeses and crackers set up.

But then we noticed, over in the corner, there was a woman getting her hair done. In a beehive. That's weird. As we looked around, it became clear there must be something in the book about beehives, because they were everywhere. Women were lined up to get their hair styled, and when she appeared, Nicole Hardy had clearly gotten the first beehive of the night. There was even a man who came wearing a long wig for the sole purpose of getting his hair done, so this must have been advertised. We had no idea why this was happening but we enjoyed watching.

After watching the creation of a lot of beehives, we moved into the auditorium area for the reading. I immediately liked Nicole. She stood up and expressed appreciation for Seattle, The Hugo House, and supportive readers. She started to tear up and then laughed at herself, "Oh no I'm emotional already?!" She read two short excerpts from the book, one telling about church classes as a young Mormon girl (the beehives--there it is!--was the name of the group) and the other about being an adult, unmarried woman in social settings with women of her congregation.

The second story is the one that really struck me. She was at a party, excitedly telling a friend about a book of her poems that was getting published. A woman who knew both Nicole and her mother saw the look on her face, the price and excitement, and rushed over to look at Nicole's left hand. That's right, because she saw the excitement and realized Nicole must have gotten engaged. Nicole quickly told her, "No, it's my poetry, it's getting published." She went on to say how much this hurt, that everything she had done, a bachelor's degree, post-graduate degrees, working on creative writing, and now getting published, all this was seen as biding her time until her life, her married life, started.

I did not grow up as a Mormon. The one time a church leader talked to me and a group of peers about staying a virgin until marriage, I was at my friend's Baptist youth group, and I was horrified. To be clear, I wasn't horrified by the idea, I was horrified by the powerpoint presentation full of phrases like "sinful desire" and "young woman's purity" and "going to hell if...". (I was also horrified that not everyone's youth group involved games like dodgeball or scavenger hunts.)

But I still relate to Nicole Hardy's story. I relate to the confusion of being told that you're supposed to be this pure being, responsible for how boys react to you, without being told that you are going to have desire or feelings of your own. I relate to fielding too many questions about marriage and too few about career.

It was during the Q&A session that I realized I didn't just want to read her book, I wanted to be her best friend. The guy asking her questions jumped back-and-forth between asking "serious writerly questions" and questions from a Seventeen magazine quiz. After asking a question, something about a guy you think of as a friend trying to kiss you and you turning your cheek to avoid him, and giving her the three options for how to handle this situation, she laughed and said, "Those answers are terrible! I'd say, 'That was awkward, let's go get a milkshake.'" (Just look at this picture and try to tell me you don't want to be her best friend. I won't believe you.)

I know a lot of people say that there are too many memoirs out there these days, and maybe that's true. But I will jump on any opportunity to read a well-written memoir by a strong woman pushing back against social and religious conventions to find a way in this world that works for her and her goals. I can't wait to read Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin.

Found this picture of the reading on Twitter
 and you can see me and Aaron!
Check out the closeup for proof!

Feminist Influence: The Movies of My Childhood

When I was a kid, I watched a lot of movies that all the other kids were watching, like The Little Mermaid and Homeward Bound. But I also watched a lot of movies that weren't made for kids, simply because my mom was watching them. And since my mom was 5 or 10 years older than many of my friends' parents, the movies we watched were a little different.

I didn't give a lot of thought to having been exposed to these movies at a very young age. I loved them, and loved watching them with my mom, so that was all that mattered. I have often teased my mother about the fact that we were so young when we watched Pretty Woman that my older sister thought the colorful condoms were candy, but my mom's response is, "See? You didn't even know what was going on. You were fine." But recently, as I thought back over many of the films we watched, I realize that for my entire life I was exposed to movies about strong women, working women, the challenging of gender roles, homosexuality, and more. I was exposed to feminism and forming feminist ideas before I ever heard the word.

So, here are some of the movies that helped form my ideas about the world while they entertained me through multiple viewings.

Baby Boom, 1987: Diane Keaton is a high-powered businesswoman (which we know because she wears skirt suits all the time) who suddenly inherits a baby and her world is thrown completely off-course. I don't remember all the details, I haven't seen it in a while, (don't ask me how someone simply inherits a baby), but here's what I remember: babies and board meetings don't mix, babies and city life don't mix, but sometimes a woman who thought she was meant to be a CEO is also meant to make homemade baby food. OK, based on my sketchy memory, this movie could potentially have a lot of problems, but it was still a movie about the difficulties of being a working mother, and it shows that "having it all" doesn't really exist unless you change your definition of "it all".


9 to 5, 1980: Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton and Dabney Coleman. Fabulous film about working women, sexism and sexual harassment in the workplace, and sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigots. What I learned: working women are awesome, sexism is gross, flexible workplaces make for happier employees, smoking pot = fairy tale murder fantasies, and mixing up the boxes of coffee sweetener and rat poison is terrible but hilarious. Seriously, though, this was one of my absolute favorite movies as a kid, and it still holds up today. The three female leads are incredible and hilarious, and watching them succeed against sexism and a workplace that didn't allow for flexibility was inspiring. Bonus: it has now been made into a musical.

Tootsie, 1982: Dustin Hoffman plays an actor who can't get any work, so he decides to pretend to be a woman and go after a woman's role. And he gets it! And then, as a woman, he experiences sexism and sexual harassment, and becomes a better man for it. I can't decide if it's a little insulting, or a brilliant commentary on our society, that it takes a man pretending to be a woman to call attention to all the difficulties women face every day. I like to think it's a brilliant commentary on a sad state of affairs, showing that even when it comes to women's rights, it takes a man's voice to get the issues heard.


Pretty Woman, 1990: As I said, my sisters and I have been watching this since we were very young. And thanks to watching it on TBS and USA with commercials, we didn't even know there were sex scenes until we were older. We all know the story: prostitute gets rescued by rich, rich, rich man but then "she rescues him right back." It's a movie with pretty traditional roles, the female damsel in distress and the male hero, but I picked up on some little lessons along the way, like sometimes women can know more about cars than men, and assuming someone can't afford what you're selling in your store is just rude. And of course, no matter what your job, you should be in control of your profession: "I say who, I say when!!!"




To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, 1995: Drag queens. When I first saw this movie, I thought John Leguizamo was an actual woman (I must not have been listening to any dialogue). Anyway, I honestly don't remember what I thought when I first saw this movie, it was so long ago, but it quickly became a family favorite. My sisters and I loved watching drag queens trying to pass for women in a small town. This movie had a lot to teach. Thanks to a speech by Wesley Snipes, I learned the difference between a transvestite, a transsexual, a drag queen, and a boy in a dress. I learned about the horror of domestic violence (at least as much as a PG-rated comedy can teach), that discrimination is good for no one, and that being yourself is always the best way to live your life, no matter what anyone else thinks.
"Your approval is not needed."
"Approval neither desired nor required."

So, thanks to my mother, for exposing me and my sisters to more than just movies made for kids. They affected us more than we knew, and we are better for it.

We Made It!

I know I haven't posted much lately but that should be changing soon because...the move is over! We made it and we officially live in Seattle.

Things I learned from driving across the country:

1. The biggest motorcycle/biker rally takes place in Sturgis, South Dakota at the beginning of August.
2. Montana is huge.

Happy to see the beautiful view,
but also terrified.

3. I am scared of mountains. Apparently very scared. I had a near panic attack driving (yes, as in I was in the driver's seat) up to Mount Rushmore, and was very nervous for most of the mountainous drive after that. We have dubbed it "the mountain panic." (OK, a friend came up with this name, but we've adopted it.)
4. A car with good gas mileage is a blessing.
5. Rearview mirrors are not that necessary. (The car was packed full.)
6. IKEA is wonderful. But the actual store is overwhelming.

Things I've learned from a week and two days in Seattle:

1. Recycling is serious business. Look at all the signs before you throw anything away. (The recycling dumpster at our apartment building is bigger than the trash dumpster. There's also a compost bin.)
2. People do not understand why someone from Mississippi would move here.
3. People do not understand why someone from Mississippi would have an Obama sticker on their car.
4. I don't have much of a southern accent (according to people here. I shudder to think what their expectation is, though).
5. Air conditioning practically doesn't exist here, at least in homes. It's just not needed. This is still blowing my mind.
6. Microwaves are strangely expensive here. I don't know if this a new development and I just hadn't bought one in a while, or if it's because Wal-Mart doesn't exist here, but I just cannot pay $88-$110 for a microwave.
7. Mt. Rainier is huge.

So far, I love it here. We've got a great apartment in a great neighborhood and we have a wonderful landlord. In one hour, he walked us through our entire lease to make sure we understood everything, checked the apartment to see what the move-in condition was, and fixed a short-circuit in our bathroom. We've gotten our apartment mostly set up and unpacked. From home, we can take a short walk to a couple of bars, a couple of restaurants, one coffee shop + sandwich house, and Goodwill. A slightly longer walk gets us to the library, more coffee shops, and the main strip of our neighborhood that has record stores, a bookstore, and a small movie theater.

I've found some freelance editing work, and I'm looking for more (or other work). Aaron has a part-time job with a furniture store. He actually walked into the store, mentioned he was looking for a job, got hired, and filled out a W-2 form on the spot. So far it's not a lot of hours, but we were both happily surprised that at least one job was that easy.

I'll get back to regular blogging soon. But until then, I'm going to keep exploring!