Watching Through My Fingers

Maybe I should stop watching horror movies.

I used to love them. I still do, I guess, but when I was 13 or 14 or 15, we would see a preview for a horror movie and my dad would say "That's a Genie movie." Actually, he still says this, but he hasn't seen me watch one in a long time.

I have perfected the art of peering at the screen through my fingers (which also means that I'm turning into my mother). I'm not covering the screen (usually) but rather, I'm blocking out my peripheral vision so that I see nothing but the screen. I think this is the visual equivalent of hiding under the covers. If I can't see anything around me, I can't be scared by a movement out of the corner of my eye, or by Aaron trying to make a face and freak me out. I can feel as if I've put myself into a safe little hole. Plus, my fingers are right by my eyes, just in case I do need to cover them completely.

I get more scared watching these movies now than I did when I was 14. What's that all about? When I was younger, I loved the feeling of being scared. Now, as soon as the first scary moment starts to happen, I inevitably say, "Why are we watching this? Why do I do this to myself?"

I know part of my problem is a fear of the unknown. Last night, watching Sinister, I finally said, "I'm ready for the big stuff to happen." Once the little ghost children started appearing, I was somewhat better, more able to watch the movie. The reveal is never as scary as you think it will be. It's the creeping down hallways, the hearing little unknown noises, the shadows in which you can't tell if something is in the corner or not--that's what's horrifying to me.

Honestly, I might still be sort of afraid of the dark. It's not that I'm afraid every time I'm in the dark, or that I leave a light on when I sleep. But there have been times when I've tried to go to sleep and thought, what if? What if I opened my eyes and there were a man with a knife staring back at me? What if I felt pressure on the end of the bed, like someone were sitting there, but I looked and saw nothing? What if someone is creeping down the hallway right now? And no matter what, no matter how many times I make sure the front door was locked before bed, no matter how much I don't believe in ghosts (and I really don't), that little voice plants just a little doubt. I feel like one of those people who doesn't believe in God but decides to pray before they die, just in case. I don't believe in ghosts, I don't believe the dark is going to get me...but shouldn't I be prepared in case I'm wrong?


Just about any horror movie can scare me. It doesn't have to be good. I love psychological thrillers, movies with more suspense than shock, but the ones that get my heart rate up are the cheesy ones, the ones with a demon/ghost, who's been haunting since the medieval times, who appears with a red face. The ones where the demon's face appears in the final seconds before the credits. These are the ones that terrify me. The unexpected image that makes you jump, the person or ghost or event that you weren't expecting suddenly appearing right in front of you--these are the fears that keep me up at night.