I love grammar and the English language. I do. I love the rules. I enjoyed diagramming sentences in high school. I like to play word games that involve spelling. I was a spelling bee kid (3rd place in the school district spelling bee when I was in 5th grade, bam!). I correct people's grammar even when it's totally inappropriate, such as when my friend who writes for ESPN wrote a very interesting blog post on Ole Miss and our newest football recruits, and my only comment was to point out a typo. I have a very smart friend, so intelligent and much smarter than I am, who constantly types out "your" when she means "you're", and it drives me crazy! Why can't everyone take a few extra seconds and check their spelling and subject/verb agreement.
Recently, my heart was broken by Microsoft Office. Let's be honest, Microsoft Office never really wooed me to begin with. Its hatred of the passive voice is a little overzealous; sometimes, you just have to use it. But my heart was completely broken, my trust completely betrayed, when I was writing an article for a health publication. I wrote, "And always, you should see a doctor if you believe you are pregnant." Not only did spellcheck mark it as wrong, but this is the suggested "correction" they gave me:
I couldn't believe it. Has everyone in the world been skipping English classes? Since the 3rd grade? I'm fine with breaking the rules now and then, for stylistic purposes, but this shows a complete lack of understanding of basic subject/verb agreement.
Today, however, a Facebook friend gave me the best Valentine's Day present. On my timeline, she posted a link to The Top 20 Grammatical Pick-Up Lines. My favorites are, "Let's make like an infinitive and never be split," "I would never precede you with which, baby, because you are essential to this clause," and "May I call you whom? Because you are the object -- of my affections."
Thank you, dear friend, for brightening up my day in a world too often filled with spelling errors and grammar mistakes. You give me hope!
